Here in 3504

My journal entry from last Sunday 5.17.09:

12:30PM, Aultman Hospital, Palliative Care Unit, room 3504.

Grandma Royer has hours, or less, on this earth. She is heavily sedated. She is very thin and 89 and ready to die. She's been lonely and misses her husband dearly since Grandpa's passing in March 2008. She always said she would scold him for leaving her so unexpectedly when she gets to heaven. Please go easy on him Grandma, it was not his plan to leave you. Maybe you could just beat him in a game of tennis with your cancer free body. Enjoy it my love.

I often wonder what it will be like to touch the wounds of our savior. You shall know very soon.

So today may be your last day here. A cool but sunny day in the spring time. Chris and I got here about 7:30AM. Your pulse rate is rapid and your breath shallow. Sara and Andrew made it to say their "good-bye" to you. I hope you could hear them. They took Chris to get some lunch so it is just you and I here in 3504. Morphine is dripping in your veins. Oxygen hisses through the tube. Water bubbles constantly, adding moisture to your breaths. Your hands and feet are cold as your body struggles to supply them with blood. Your feet especially are ashen. Your eyes are closed, your mouth hangs open, your body skeletal and motionless. And you are beautiful to me. I watch the pulse in your neck to see if you are still with me here in 3504. Classical music plays on the radio.

You can go if you want, Grandma. I'm sure heaven prepares for your arrival. Perhaps your husband and your mother have been summoned to the gate to escort you into the King's presence. But probably not. Even though the King has a kingdom and a throne, He seems most like Himself as He serves. So maybe upon your arrival there will be just one there at the gate to greet you. And He will begin to take you toward the throne. And you will look at this one and know there is something about him. "But no", you'll think, "he can't be the King. He's dressed in commoners clothes." And yet your heart will burn within you. "Could it be him?", you think. You consider asking him. But you don't. "Surely the King would wear a crown and flowing robe and have an entourage. Would a king open and close the city gate like this one?"

And then you get to the throne. And the one you walk with sits on it and says "welcome home, Carolyn". And his light illuminates the city.

Grandma went home Monday morning.

Into marvelous light I'm runnin', out of darkness out of shame. By the cross you are the life you are the truth you are the way.